Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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