Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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