I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
