he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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