weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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