don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
