I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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