Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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