I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
