I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Screwed.edu
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
