"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well I just put wine in my tea
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
