I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What drink are we having for lunch?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
