just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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