Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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