she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
