I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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