i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
