so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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