We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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