i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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