I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
