I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
