he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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