I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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