hotel room ftw
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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