I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
