is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
