Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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