She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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