Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dignity is for republicans.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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