I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Mom said you looked used
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
