I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
