So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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