From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
