so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
