i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
