i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
