i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
