i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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