I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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