Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
