I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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