Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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