She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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