I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
where are my eyebrows?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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