you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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