oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
