yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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