She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
