Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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