he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the liver wants what the liver wants
Everyone says I win the strip club
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
