Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
