She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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