does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
