Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
