Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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