Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
