FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize