We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I supernannyed him into submission
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
