i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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