Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
