What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
