Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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