so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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