I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
