No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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