the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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