Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
