my vag is so smooth its legendary
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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