last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
