if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Randomize
