I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
