He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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