I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
