Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
