Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
