I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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