you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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