My sheets look like a crime scene.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
