I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
