Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
