Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
