Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
