I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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