did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
