The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
