when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
