It's like a parade of train wrecks.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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