im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
