More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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