you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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